It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
