You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
