1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
