Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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