why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize