Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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