And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
