We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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