We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize