just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
