oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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