my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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