if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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