On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This baby is an asshole
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
