Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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