Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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