this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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