At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Pants are for mortals
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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