She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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