i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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