I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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