Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
