I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
