Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
