I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She bit a glass in half.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
