I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize