I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
