Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
well you can't waste a boner
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
where does the pee come out of this thing
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
