I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
