coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
