i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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