so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize