we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
