i just wanna soil my oats bro
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
