her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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