It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
