Will you blow on my dice?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
