I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
