Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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