This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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