sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize