I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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