I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize