your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
