neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
