There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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