I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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