He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
