I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i love accidental penises.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
