so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
