You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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