I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
