I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize