Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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