I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
