are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
