she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i think im in europe. pls send help
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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