I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
