i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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