I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she peed on how many people?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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