it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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