How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
