my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
