you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
