dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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