I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
