I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
