I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
