I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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