I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
