When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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