I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
