Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I need a beard to bite.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize