Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
