did you get engaged???
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
