if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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