I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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