That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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