At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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