stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My breasts were aching with rage.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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