so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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