when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
