Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize