It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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