you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
