I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
