were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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