A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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