just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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