I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
