if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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