Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
