Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
