I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize