thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
