i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
