Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize