Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize