You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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