Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
