It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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