she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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