I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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