We won't sleep together?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
