got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
