You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
