I'm lost and stupid without you.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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