my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
