I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
