Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
