the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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