You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize