Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
