Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
