My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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