We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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