I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
