I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
