remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
